Unwelcome Judgment from a Stranger

I had an upsetting experience in public today.

After dropping Gwen off at school, Caroline and Emmett and I headed straight over to Volunteer's of America for their monthly 50% off sale. I had the stroller (carts were all taken-- as anticipated) completely loaded up with shorts, skirts, shirts, swimsuits, summer pjs, shoes and so forth to the brimming point where I had to ask Caroline to walk beside me bc she was getting assaulted by hangers. Of course, she was very happy to be out of her seat (less complaining), but I was constantly moving her out of the way of one cart or another. Have you guys been to a thrift store on one of their big sale days? It is a madhouse. Amidst all this craziness, Emmett grew weary of being awake and started crying. I corralled our massive ensemble to an open area (hard to find, mind you), took him out to nurse him, then put him back in and reclined his seat so he could go to sleep. Naturally, he was not interested in sleeping in his stroller. He cried. I hurried, trying to keep my stress level from creeping up and coming out in an outburst at Caroline, who was bored but trying her hardest to be obedient.

(not my cart, but indicative of the shopping trends at VOA's 50%off day!)

In the midst of looking for items on our needs list, keeping Caroline close by me, maneuvering our bulging stroller down narrow aisles crowded with equally bulging carts of other shoppers, listening to Emmett's cries knowing he just needed to sleep and 'push-pulling' the stroller constantly in an attempt to soothe him to sleep....

a complete stranger stood in front of me so I couldn't get past and said, "Your baby needs something". Assuming she was well-meaning, I said, "oh, I know. He needs to sleep". She then got her lecturers face on and proceeded to tell me that maybe I shouldn't be there then. I felt like someone had slapped me across the face. Not because her words hurt that much, but it was just that shocking. I gathered my wits and explained that it was 50% off day and this was the time to come so we just had to do our best. Not a good enough answer for her. She said I should have left him with a babysitter. I was flabbergasted. I thanked her for her concern and asked her to let me be his mother and then proceeded away from her before I said something I'd regret. I could see her muttering to herself and shaking her head as she went the other direction.

I was astounded. Insulted. Angry. Hurt. Not because I thought she was right, but because I felt so unjustly judged. I'm trying to let it go. To give her the benefit of the doubt.

She didn't know I've been preparing for THIS sale for a month, going through the kids' clothes/shoes boxes to inventory exactly what we needed for them this summer.

She didn't know that I was sacrificing things I wanted to do to be there. (Missed the first day of my new exercise group, play group, even preschool will have to be during afternoon quiet time because there was no way I could afford to miss the sale)

She didn't know I had dropped off a child at school at 9 and busted over there to get the shopping done as quickly as I could before nap time.

She didn't know I couldn't come back after school because then the swimsuits and shoes would be picked over and I might not get what we needed for the girls. Plus I'd have the stress of 3 kids shopping instead of 2.

She didn't know that I was hurrying my best, that I had been needing to go to the bathroom for over an hour and had NOT stopped to do that because it would prolong our stay there. I was trying to put my kids first and just get out of there as fast as we could.

She didn't know that Emmett does not take a bottle and therefore cannot be left with a sitter. He has to be with me.

She didn't know that I had JUST finished nursing him.

She didn't know his stroller was reclined so he could sleep.

She didn't know that he often cries loudest just before he dozes off in the stroller.

She didn't know that we were almost finished, that our very next stop was actually the checkout line.

She didn't know I AM a good mother, that my kids come first in my life. That we were there FOR the children so that they could have what they needed. That I am attentive and loving to them. That it was just a perfect storm rather than an ongoing relationship of neglect and crying babies.

And yet, if she didn't know, why in the world was she judging me and VERBALLY BERATING me like she knew what was best for me and my family?

Clearly, I still have a lot of things to work through. Amazing that such a small incident could upset me so thoroughly. I wish I could talk to her again, explain it to her. Help her see that she was wrong. But I'm not going to get that closure. I just need to forgive. You'd think it wouldn't be so challenging to forgive such a small injustice, but I'm really struggling with this.

Life's Lesson #2: Ask Forgiveness--Even If They Did Greater Injury

Second installment of the "lesser appreciated virtues".

#2 Ask Forgiveness- Even if They Did the Greater Injury to You

Young teenage girls have the ability to be more malicious and just plain mean than any other group of people (not counting criminals or terrorists, of course). Maybe you've been victim to the pack mentality before. I think most girls have been at one time. It is a vicious world in which you either perpetrate meanness or are the recipient of it. Unless of course you are more mature than the rest of the pack and can rise above all that. Unfortunately, I was not one of those amazing people.

I was the victim. All the time. From 5th grade to 7th grade, that was me. I don't need to tell you about the emotional damage these years wailed on my self esteem. I don't need to tell you about how little confidence I had or how I hid it with all my success in academics, music, and sports. By the time I had a group of friends in church who were so trendy and cool... and yet considered me part of the group, I was pretty much ready to follow their lead. Whatever it took to remain in good graces. Unfortunately, they chose another girl in our Young Women's class-- someone who just the year before had been 1 of 3 whom I invited to spend the night for my birthday-- to mercilessly mock. Not 'in-your-face' kind of teasing, but the oblique and yet oh-so-obvious whispering about her while she was in the same room with us, gossiping about her clothes or hair or whatever, and making snide remarks under our breaths whenever she answered a question. I joined in. Better her than me. That was my thinking. Where was loyalty? Where were courage and honor? Not anywhere to be found.

It wore on me. It did. But I kept at it. One night, after a particularly brutal mutual activity in which we sort of trailed her through the church (subtly, of course) snickering the whole time... I got an unexpected phone call. It was her.
I thought she was going to tell me off. I knew I had it coming. But I walled up my feelings and snuffed out my conscience by somehow convincing myself she deserved it and I was justified. I prepared myself for some snotty comebacks.

and I was completely caught off guard when she began to apologize.

She said she was sorry for whatever she had done to upset or hurt us, specifically me, and asked for forgiveness. You might think that I was woman enough to apologize back at this point. But to my everlasting shame, I added insult to injury by firing off those snotty comments and telling her she deserved every bit of it. I could tell she was crying, but that only made me feel worse so I had to act worse to bury those feelings. I kept up my haughtiness until she humbly apologized once more and our conversation ended. That was that. I was a monster.

But that humble request for forgiveness when absolutely none was merited snuck through my facade of sarcasm and pricked my numbed conscience back to life. I am glad to say I began to repent. It was my first real experience with godly sorrow and wading through the process to real forgiveness. I ended up having to break bonds with that group of girls... I did bear the consequences for that... but years later that humble girl would become my very best friend. Jennie Smith. Now a Hubbard. I respect her so much for the example she has always shown me. She's always been a cut above the rest of us, always already emulating the qualities to which I'm aspiring. And it all started when she was Christlike enough to ask my forgiveness... even when I had committed the injury.