A THIRD of a Century...almost?

Today I turn 33. I know that technically I won't be a third of a century until four months from now---and believe me, we are indeed considering having a small celebration in January JUST to commemorate that significant time!---but I can't help but think it strange. A century sounds forever long, and associating myself with a century, even in a 1/3 fraction, makes me feel...like I am pushing towards ancient. Which is NOT how I feel! I am young and energetic, full of zest for life! So TAKE THAT, you ancient century! Keep your oldness to yourself, why don'cha!

To celebrate the proliferation of threes, here are the top 3 reasons I'm grateful to have been born 33 years ago:

1. my family. I have wonderfully forgiving parents, amazing siblings, the cutest nieces and nephews, and incredibly supportive in-laws! Eric, when I was young and imagining what marriage would be like, I could not possibly have conjured up for myself a more idyllic spouse, best friend, partner-in-everything that you are to me. I absolutely cannot imagine being this happy with anyone else. And our beautiful, precocious children! Man, sometimes I'm overwhelmed with their amazing spirits and ever so humbled to be entrusted with raising them. I love, love, LOVE my little ones! How grateful I am for an eternal family!

2. learning. I love to grow, to progress. I know that is part of Heavenly Father's eternal plan for us, and I'm so grateful for that eternal truth which has and will continue to shape my life. I LOVE learning new things, all KINDS of things, and I am so incredibly grateful to have been born NOW when the gospel is available in its fullness AND when women are afforded so much priceless freedom to learn and grow. I am grateful for a mind that can expand, to think and ponder and to synthesize and create new ideas. Learning for me is definitely tied to scripture, books, and education, but it expands beyond that too. I see sewing, culinary experiments, and painting as extensions of the mind's capacity to grow and create. How grateful I am for education.

  

3. beauty. Oh what a beautiful world. In July I enjoyed the ocean for the 2nd time in my life. It was a splendid day. A day of wonder and contentment surrounded by God's creation. Truly so much beauty in His handiwork. Colors in my garden, an oil painting, or the eyes of my little ones. Music from the throats of birds, evening crickets, piano and orchestra, wind, or clear voices (Josh Groban, Sissel, Hayley Westenra. If you know those names, you know their voices touch something in the soul). Textures and patterns in fabrics or dishes from around the world. Feelings of strength and litheness when I dance--- even though I'd never win a contest for my dancing--- it is the FEELING that is beautiful, which is why I LOVE to dance. How truly grateful I am for beauty, for this beautiful life I am blessed to live. 

Do I feel 1/3 of a century OLD? Absolutely not. I believe that being full of learning, life, and love cultivates beauty IN ME. And therefore, I must not be aging at all. Forever young. :)

Unwelcome Judgment from a Stranger

I had an upsetting experience in public today.

After dropping Gwen off at school, Caroline and Emmett and I headed straight over to Volunteer's of America for their monthly 50% off sale. I had the stroller (carts were all taken-- as anticipated) completely loaded up with shorts, skirts, shirts, swimsuits, summer pjs, shoes and so forth to the brimming point where I had to ask Caroline to walk beside me bc she was getting assaulted by hangers. Of course, she was very happy to be out of her seat (less complaining), but I was constantly moving her out of the way of one cart or another. Have you guys been to a thrift store on one of their big sale days? It is a madhouse. Amidst all this craziness, Emmett grew weary of being awake and started crying. I corralled our massive ensemble to an open area (hard to find, mind you), took him out to nurse him, then put him back in and reclined his seat so he could go to sleep. Naturally, he was not interested in sleeping in his stroller. He cried. I hurried, trying to keep my stress level from creeping up and coming out in an outburst at Caroline, who was bored but trying her hardest to be obedient.

(not my cart, but indicative of the shopping trends at VOA's 50%off day!)

In the midst of looking for items on our needs list, keeping Caroline close by me, maneuvering our bulging stroller down narrow aisles crowded with equally bulging carts of other shoppers, listening to Emmett's cries knowing he just needed to sleep and 'push-pulling' the stroller constantly in an attempt to soothe him to sleep....

a complete stranger stood in front of me so I couldn't get past and said, "Your baby needs something". Assuming she was well-meaning, I said, "oh, I know. He needs to sleep". She then got her lecturers face on and proceeded to tell me that maybe I shouldn't be there then. I felt like someone had slapped me across the face. Not because her words hurt that much, but it was just that shocking. I gathered my wits and explained that it was 50% off day and this was the time to come so we just had to do our best. Not a good enough answer for her. She said I should have left him with a babysitter. I was flabbergasted. I thanked her for her concern and asked her to let me be his mother and then proceeded away from her before I said something I'd regret. I could see her muttering to herself and shaking her head as she went the other direction.

I was astounded. Insulted. Angry. Hurt. Not because I thought she was right, but because I felt so unjustly judged. I'm trying to let it go. To give her the benefit of the doubt.

She didn't know I've been preparing for THIS sale for a month, going through the kids' clothes/shoes boxes to inventory exactly what we needed for them this summer.

She didn't know that I was sacrificing things I wanted to do to be there. (Missed the first day of my new exercise group, play group, even preschool will have to be during afternoon quiet time because there was no way I could afford to miss the sale)

She didn't know I had dropped off a child at school at 9 and busted over there to get the shopping done as quickly as I could before nap time.

She didn't know I couldn't come back after school because then the swimsuits and shoes would be picked over and I might not get what we needed for the girls. Plus I'd have the stress of 3 kids shopping instead of 2.

She didn't know that I was hurrying my best, that I had been needing to go to the bathroom for over an hour and had NOT stopped to do that because it would prolong our stay there. I was trying to put my kids first and just get out of there as fast as we could.

She didn't know that Emmett does not take a bottle and therefore cannot be left with a sitter. He has to be with me.

She didn't know that I had JUST finished nursing him.

She didn't know his stroller was reclined so he could sleep.

She didn't know that he often cries loudest just before he dozes off in the stroller.

She didn't know that we were almost finished, that our very next stop was actually the checkout line.

She didn't know I AM a good mother, that my kids come first in my life. That we were there FOR the children so that they could have what they needed. That I am attentive and loving to them. That it was just a perfect storm rather than an ongoing relationship of neglect and crying babies.

And yet, if she didn't know, why in the world was she judging me and VERBALLY BERATING me like she knew what was best for me and my family?

Clearly, I still have a lot of things to work through. Amazing that such a small incident could upset me so thoroughly. I wish I could talk to her again, explain it to her. Help her see that she was wrong. But I'm not going to get that closure. I just need to forgive. You'd think it wouldn't be so challenging to forgive such a small injustice, but I'm really struggling with this.

Veggies and Gardening Preschool

I love to garden. Love it. I'm going to blame (thank) my dad for that. He is a passionate gardener and I have vivid memories of summer mornings spent out in the garden pulling up rocks (10 cents per 5 gallon bucket. Ugh. We hated that injustice. :) But I learned to love having my hands dirty and cultivating something til fruition. All kinds of wonderful lessons there. 

We have a modest family garden and our kids enjoy helping us with that. Of course, at their ages they are not yet doing the 'hard' work of the garden, but we are hoping to start them loving gardening and self-sufficiency early. I was really excited to do this week of science-y seeds, veggies, and gardening with Caroline!

I LOVE this free printable! It is perfect for this time of year when Caroline is pretty strong on recognition of letters but needs practice on the sounds they produce. This is a beginning sounds veggie clip sheet with upper case letters on one side and lower case letters on the other. You could alternatively cut out each card to make clip cards, but we opted for easy here. Those candies are "carrots":) free printable from Pinay Homeschooler

pumpkin life cycle word trace printable

I happened to have these wonky shaped pipe cleaners that were PERFECT little carrots! Caroline rolled the die and harvested that many carrots. Then she did it again and replanted. We harvested and planted repeatedly bc she really loved this activity! idea for pipe cleaner carrots from Sorting Sprinkles.

Books we read:

Rah Rah Radishes

Creepy Carrots (which the girls really thought was hilarious. They quote it now and bust up laughing every time. Kid humor is hilarious. I thought it was cute but didn't realize it was THAT funny!)

For our Veggie/Gardening book club: 

Books: 

The Carrot Seed

Carrot Soup

Tops and Bottoms

After The Carrot Seed we sang "This is they way we plant the seed" (...so early in the morning) with all kinds of carrot-appropriate verses that we made up on the fly!

-plant the seed

-water the seed

-sun shines down

-pull the weeds

-patiently wait

-harvest the carrots

-wash the carrots

-peel the carrots

-eat the carrots!

After reading Carrot Soup we did wheelbarrow races which the kids thoroughly enjoyed!

After Tops and Bottoms we shared our favorite vegetable and named whether it was a top, bottom, or middle. 

I was originally going to do some carrot art with mud paint with 2 equally awesome options:

real mud plus glue:

mud-copycat paint: 

I still think both those ideas are great and would like to do them in the future. 

But when I got RSVPs back for over 16 kids, I decided I didn't want to do a messy art project at our kitchen table. So instead we planted seeds in wet paper towels that the kids could take home and watch grow in a window. 

 look at those 'octopus' roots!

It is so fun to have Caroline checking on the progress of her seed every day, multiple times a day!

Our snack was, naturally, raw veggies with ranch. We sampled carrots, cucumber, tomatoes, sweet peppers, snap peas, garden-grown baby spinach, and even an avocado. The kids loved tasting a garden! :)

and unrelated to preschool or book club, but relating to gardens... here is a pic of our seeds coming up! the girls helped plant all of this before we put up the bunny fence.

 Sweet Candy onions

Amethyst beans (they are deep purple!)

our dwarf lemon tree is happy to be outside after a bleak winter!

Do you garden with your kids?

driving ooops

I committed a serious traffic violation today because I wasn't paying attention. (I'm not going to specify what exactly, just in case there are cops out there with nothing better to do than stalk blogs looking for confessions and offering ticket citations for infractions). I was in an unfamiliar part of town, looking for a way to an on ramp... and I wasn't focusing on my immediate surroundings. Let's just say, I feel AWFUL... and idiotic... I'm trying hard not to beat myself up because everything turned out okay, no collisions, no injuries. My babies are fine. All that is really wounded is my pride, my driving confidence, and maybe the horns of other cars. Today, I was THAT driver.

Maybe that will teach me to think more generously about drivers who do stupid things.

Making Room for Christ

Gwen reminded me today:

MAKE room for Christ this Christmas.

I chose one 'sturdy' Nativity to put at Gwen's eye and hand level this Christmas so that she could really get into it. When I showed her all the people and animals, she was really excited. She unhesitatingly emptied her purse-- carrying all her favorite 'treasures' like her 2 turtles, ducky, monkeys, Minnie Mouse, and even Aurora-- so that she could fit all of the figurines from the Nativity in there. She was insistent upon carrying it around and taking Jesus with her into the car.

Then later while playing upstairs with her fairy treehouse-- her favorite new distraction and 'home' for all her lil critters-- she unhesitatingly replaced the fairy in the swing with a wise man, the fairy at the table with an angel, the fairy in the tree with 3 sheep, the ducky in the flower shower with a shepherd and cow, and the unicorn in the house with Mary, Joseph, a couple of wisemen, and the baby Jesus. And baby Jesus got to eat the apples.

Moral of the story: there are plenty of GOOD things to fill our lives with this Christmas season. Lots of things that are our favorites. But we have to MAKE room for the Savior, even if that means removing something that we really like. I hope there will be room in my inn, because I'll make it. Gwen's got the idea.

Vice and Virtue

A quote from Friedman essay about literature, but with much greater application:

"Its vices are the defects of its virtues"

This really resonated with me. Does it ring true for you?

• 
  
  The unmotivated/unambitious vices are usually paired with the virtue of being easy going and not a worry wart.


• 
  
  The vice of being high-strung, inflexible, rigid usually goes with the virtue of being organized, planning ahead, detail-oriented.


• 
  
  The vice of being sensitive, easily hurt, emotional goes with the virtue of being empathetic, caring deeply, feeling freely.


• 
  
  The vice of being hasty, blindly jumping into things, rash goes with the virtue of being a risk-taker, brave, fearless, spontaneous, eager to see an idea to fruition.


• 
  
  The vice of timidity, inaction, lost opportunities accompanies the virtue of caution, careful research, and logical analysis before decision-making.


• 
  
  The vice of shirking work, avoiding responsibility, being light-minded, shallow, cliqueish usually goes with the virtue of being social, fun, energetic, friendly, talkative.


• 
  
  The vice of eating too much with the virtue of appreciating delicious food, being able to create delicious food.


• 
  
  The vice of laziness with the virtue of restfulness or playfulness.


• 
  
  The vice of work-a-holic, busy, forget-the-real-meaning-of-things person with the virtue of hardworking provider, ambition.


• 
  
  The vice of pack rat with the virtue of valuing memories.

I am a planner, a culinary artist, empathetic, ambitious, memory lover. Now you know all my vices too. :)

I think that when the Savior promises all our weaknesses can become strengths through His Atonement, it does not mean he will root out of us those innate characteristics so that we can no longer recognize ourselves. He will simply help us to transform them over to the virtuous side of them. We will still be ourselves, but our best selves.

Among Life's Lesser Virtues: Put the Toilet Seat and Lid Down

One of life's virtues: putting the toilet seat and lid down after use. Perhaps this is something to which you can relate? Eric is very good about it, especially compared to other accounts I've heard. I've always been selfish in wanting this done to avoid personal misfortune, especially at night. Now I have an even better reason....

Ever get that sinking feeling in your gut when:

You're sitting in the living room while your baby explores around you and
the next thing you hear is

a "swish-swish-swish"

coming from the bathroom
and you realize:

the toilet seat lid is up.

quite possibly the best reason EVER to encourage the men of the household to put the seat and lid down.

3 Big Ones

3 Big Ones!

3 most frightening/worrisome memories with Eric:

1. on our Honeymoon: whose idea was it to watch What Lies Beneath out in the middle of nowhere in a cabin? Mine? Oops...
2. bee sting to Eric's hand: swelled up like a surgical glove being used for a cow's udder.

1. WindRiver's 2007 lightning storm: Eric and Collin making the trek across the unsheltered saddle with lightning crackling around constantly... carrying fishing poles. I was scared to death!
2. I'm adding another: when the Rhino broke down in the middle of a huge snowstorm on our way to the cabin Jan 2009 with babies in tow... and waiting for what seemed like hours in the cold dark with a bawling 6 week old and Eric gone off on a snow-mobile to try to find help. Scary times.

3 most embarassing memories with Eric:

1. hitting myself in the face with my own racket during racketball and giving myself a black eye.
2. the night of cooking disasters. Every dish, pan, bowl, etc that we own (I am really not exaggerating here!) was destroyed trying to salvage- not ONE, but 3-- culinary catastrophes! Below is a photo of the sludge that spread all over the counters and leaked onto the floor...
3. riding the Greyhound for 2 days to Arkansas (to meet my folks) and then 2 days back. We were stinky, tired, and somehow still wanted to be right next to one another. (despite the egg-salad sandwich breath and lack of showers)
4. ooh, wait, can I add a 4th? (Of course I can, it is my blog... ) Goofing around in the park (before we were engaged), tore my shirt WIDE open (on the side- one of the darts)... but didn't even realize it. Eric had to tell me that, um, I was a lil exposed. How embarassing.

But if I really want to be honest, I am not really that embarassed about any of those things. Kinda funny, I think.

3 most energizing/fun memories with Eric:

1. playing Horrible Hoppers: Freshman year of college, in the dorms, Eric cheered me up one night close to Halloween when he could tell I was down. Halloween version of tiddlywinks.
2. mystery shake date with strange and funny poetry games. I loved all those "intellectual" dates!
3. Temple Square General Conference April 2006: the day that started it all. I had so much fun flirting around the artwork in the Conference Center, making deliciously piled up sandwiches with ALL the fixuns, and doodling on each other's papers during the afternoon session.
4. Um, If I'm perfectly honest, just about EVERY memory that I have with Eric is energizing and fun! I just love being around him so much!
   

3 most romantic memories with Eric:
3. our first kiss: day after Mother's day, in the family room downstairs at Eric's parents' home. He wanted to long before that, but I was chicken. After this kiss, we basically knew marriage was on the horizon.
2. Valentine's Day 2008: Eric made delicious Italian dinner, converted our upstairs guestroom into a lovely candle-lit Italian eatery, and wowed me with flowers. Incredible night!
1. night he proposed: blanket under the stars in a field, sonnet composed just for me, a gorgeous customized ring, and melted my heart with the words "I've never been as happy in my life as these last months spent with you. I want to feel this way for Eternity. Will you marry me?" I believe I was laughing and crying at the same time. (as I recall, this kinda weirded him out, but he didn't let on til later.)

3 most significant memories with Eric:
3. The miscarriage of our first pregnancy. I think that brought us closer together than anything up to that point ever had.
2. Gwen's birth: the spirit in the room, we were both crying, and I remember feeling overwhelmed with love for her and for Eric, for our family. I knew we could be together for eternity.
1. kneeling across the altar in the Bountiful temple on the day of our sealing August 26, 2006. I never felt so RIGHT about anything before or since.
After 3 years, Hon, I only love you more than ever!

Life's Lessons #4: Wait Your Turn

We all have pet peeves, right? I'm about to expound upon one of my big ones: when people don't wait their turn. When I originally composed this, I was quite scathing. I have since repented of my "venom" and decided I need to be more charitable. Either way, I must acknowledge that respectfully waiting in line is a dying "art" or "lesser virtue" in life that I think the world could use more of (that is poor grammar, but you know what I mean).

You've seen it happen. You're driving along and someone speeds ahead to slide right in front of you at the light. Woohoo. Good for you. You now have a 2 second head start on me. Good thing you managed to get in front.
Or here's another one: you wait patiently at the zoo to see "X" animal. Just before you get there, someone has to zip in front of you to plant themselves right in front of your view (small children I can tolerate doing this. But adults with strollers? Come on).
Or here's another one: you're waiting to pick up a prescription at Kroger's. The line is pretty non-descript. More of a huddle, actually, but everyone there knows who is next. You. Everyone knows, that is, except one guy. Right when it should be your turn, the pharmacist calls out "can I help who's next?", you lean forward on the balls of your feet to take a step to the counter, and some wise guy pops out from behind an aisle and speeds up to the counter with a desperate pharmacological need that somehow trumps yours.

Waiting to talk to the lady at the airport? Waiting for the hose at the community garden? No matter where you are, there's bound to be someone who doesn't think they need to wait their turn. Is it just me, or does the squeaky wheel REALLY need all that grease right now? Come on, why can't the patient person be rewarded for their patience every once and awhile? (this coming from someone-- me-- who is definitely NOT patient and therefore thinks that any excruciating efforts in that direction ought to be applauded, not walked on.)

You know what the pet peeve is really all about? People thinking they are the exception to the rule, that they don't need to wait in line like everybody else but can cut. People that think they are somehow special, above fences and sidewalks that think they can make their own path through a gap in the fence and go tromping around on the lawn as a short cut to beat the crowd to the park entrance rather than be put out to have to shuffle in line down the side walk like civilized human beings. Who do they think they are?

What do I think is the solution? Take a number, just like at the DMV and Joann's. and build better fences, I guess.

Or actually, what we could use is a little respect and consideration.

Life's Lessons #3: Food Does Not Have Feelings

I stare at the few lonely grains of rice on Eric's plate. Or the isolated bite of broccoli. Or the sad carrot left out from the salad. My own plate is invariably clean and spotless. And I squirm in my seat. Trying not to be concerned. It is, afterall, Eric's dinner. Not mine. But in the end I can't resist asking, "Are you going to eat that, Dear?" To which he replies, "No, I'm full."

Now, I don't want it. I'm actually quite full. Satisfied. Content. But what do I say?

"Well then, I'll take it."

Why? Because I don't want this poor bite of pizza or that sad spoonful of soup or that pathetic lump of couscous to be left out. Don't want it to feel rejected and abandoned as it is tossed thoughtlessly in the garbage! Ever eaten the last 1/2 cup of something because you knew it wasn't enough to save in a tupperware but didn't want it to go to waste? Because it might feel like it was being left out of the party. All its buddies got eaten and are together there in the incredible journey through your digestive system while this lonely morsel is about to be thrown away. No. I must eat it. It is the compassionate thing to do.

Okay, this is not a good way to feel about food. Especially considering the pending toddler years and vast amounts of uneaten food that will be pushed around on plates without entering a little mouth. I am trying to eat less, not consume everybody else's leftovers. Maybe it comes from my growing up years when there were food shortages. Or from the lavish compliments I received as a child for my healthy appetite and ability to eat EVERYTHING on my plate. (I always won the Daddy-cooked pancake eating competition with my siblings on Sunday mornings). Whatever the root cause, thinking more about the emotional health of a non-sentient item on my plate rather than about my own goals is not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. A rational approach to food, I think, is one of life's important lessons and perhaps even a lesser virtue. And so, Eric is trying to help me to learn:

Food Does Not Have Feelings!

Life's Lesson #2: Ask Forgiveness--Even If They Did Greater Injury

Second installment of the "lesser appreciated virtues".

#2 Ask Forgiveness- Even if They Did the Greater Injury to You

Young teenage girls have the ability to be more malicious and just plain mean than any other group of people (not counting criminals or terrorists, of course). Maybe you've been victim to the pack mentality before. I think most girls have been at one time. It is a vicious world in which you either perpetrate meanness or are the recipient of it. Unless of course you are more mature than the rest of the pack and can rise above all that. Unfortunately, I was not one of those amazing people.

I was the victim. All the time. From 5th grade to 7th grade, that was me. I don't need to tell you about the emotional damage these years wailed on my self esteem. I don't need to tell you about how little confidence I had or how I hid it with all my success in academics, music, and sports. By the time I had a group of friends in church who were so trendy and cool... and yet considered me part of the group, I was pretty much ready to follow their lead. Whatever it took to remain in good graces. Unfortunately, they chose another girl in our Young Women's class-- someone who just the year before had been 1 of 3 whom I invited to spend the night for my birthday-- to mercilessly mock. Not 'in-your-face' kind of teasing, but the oblique and yet oh-so-obvious whispering about her while she was in the same room with us, gossiping about her clothes or hair or whatever, and making snide remarks under our breaths whenever she answered a question. I joined in. Better her than me. That was my thinking. Where was loyalty? Where were courage and honor? Not anywhere to be found.

It wore on me. It did. But I kept at it. One night, after a particularly brutal mutual activity in which we sort of trailed her through the church (subtly, of course) snickering the whole time... I got an unexpected phone call. It was her.
I thought she was going to tell me off. I knew I had it coming. But I walled up my feelings and snuffed out my conscience by somehow convincing myself she deserved it and I was justified. I prepared myself for some snotty comebacks.

and I was completely caught off guard when she began to apologize.

She said she was sorry for whatever she had done to upset or hurt us, specifically me, and asked for forgiveness. You might think that I was woman enough to apologize back at this point. But to my everlasting shame, I added insult to injury by firing off those snotty comments and telling her she deserved every bit of it. I could tell she was crying, but that only made me feel worse so I had to act worse to bury those feelings. I kept up my haughtiness until she humbly apologized once more and our conversation ended. That was that. I was a monster.

But that humble request for forgiveness when absolutely none was merited snuck through my facade of sarcasm and pricked my numbed conscience back to life. I am glad to say I began to repent. It was my first real experience with godly sorrow and wading through the process to real forgiveness. I ended up having to break bonds with that group of girls... I did bear the consequences for that... but years later that humble girl would become my very best friend. Jennie Smith. Now a Hubbard. I respect her so much for the example she has always shown me. She's always been a cut above the rest of us, always already emulating the qualities to which I'm aspiring. And it all started when she was Christlike enough to ask my forgiveness... even when I had committed the injury.

Life's Lesson #1: Be Honest, But Not Rude

I thought I would do something fun for a couple of posts. I'm going to recount some experiences from my growing up years (and maybe some from more recently) that have taught me some of life's lesser discussed virtues. I hope that you will find yourself relating to these tales. Feel free to post similar experiences in the comments!

#1: Be Honest, But Not Rude.

When I was in Junior High, I kept a journal religiously. It was not about giving myself perspective, necessarily, or about discussing cute boys. It was really a chance for me to talk. I was very private growing up; always a great listener, but never feeling free to share my troubles or concerns with others. Maybe I didn't want to burden them, maybe I didn't quite trust them to understand, maybe I just didn't know how to share. One experience makes me think the last reason might have some hefty weight to it.

We had a new girl move into our ward. She was overweight, quiet, not very pretty. Nice, of course, but kind of dowdy or frumpy in both mannerisms and style. She just didn't strike me as all that "cool". Of course, I didn't write THAT in my journal. But I remember having a conversation with her one day that made me realize she was actually a VERY neat person, someone not only likable, but confident and trendy behind her initial quiet demeanor. She was really a blast to be around once she was comfortable around you! I did write about THAT in my journal.

So one day she spent the night. I remember being amazed again at how cool she was, and I was chagrined anew at my original prideful judgment. I wanted to tell her how much I esteemed her. But, since I was not very good at sharing my feelings, I decided the best way was to read her that journal entry. The one where I "discovered" how cool she was. I can remember how she picked at the fuzz on my blanket with an awkward look on her face when I read things like:

"I used to think 'Julie'* (all names have been changed) was fat and frumpy and weird, just a dumpy slob. But now I know she is fun!"
and
"Just goes to show that though the outward appearance might be fat and ugly, she's really great and I shouldn't have judged her"

Notice that these comments are really self-deprecating... but they also say some pretty mean and blunt things about her. And I READ that to her... What was I thinking?

She got really quiet around me after that. Our friendship never felt comfortable again. All because I was totally "honest" with her...but I was rude. Even when I was trying to explain how cool she was to me, I was insulting her. I always regretted that. Twice over. Once for misjudging her in the first place and Twice for telling her so bluntly about it.

Moral of the story: write a nice letter. Tell someone how much you like them, not how you 'got past' their flaws. Be honest, but not rude.

Reasons for Respect

Normally my posts are all about our family and our isms. But the past couple of days, what with Martin Luther King Jr. Day and then the Presidential Inauguration, I have been rather pensive and contemplative. I feel that a 'serious' post is in order.

Martin Luther King Jr. is a great example of peaceful objection, protest without violence. Disagreement without disrespect. When others thought his methods would never work and pressed for more aggressive action, his humble but persistent stance of non-violent protest eventually wore down the resolve of his opposition and broke the walls preventing equality for blacks in our country. Why do I respect him? Because of his love for his people, yes. Because of his leadership, yes. Because of his courage, yes. Because of his rhetoric and persuasive power, yes. But really, I respect him most for the respect he gave others even while respect was denied to him. That is powerful. Respect for humanity regardless of differences.

Many people criticize and blame George W. Bush for the troubles of our nation. They cast blame, point fingers, mock, and are angry to the point of forgetting themselves. Forgetting the respect deserved by the Presidential mantle. Forgetting the respect deserved for serving our country to the best of one's ability. ...Forgetting the respect deserved by every individual as a child of God.

Well today (or yesterday, actually) we usher in a new President. A President wildly popular and with so much enthusiasm backing his new era that it is hard to imagine anyone criticizing him to the extent that Bush was criticized. I respect President Obama for many reasons: his charisma, his persuasive power, his compassion, his realism, his vision, his experiences so different from mine, his willingness to listen to reason, his ability to inspire, his ability to soothe and make people feel comfortable, and his touchableness--the way people feel like they can relate to him. And yet, I did not vote for him. We disagree on too many policy issues.

But, does disagreement EVER give one the right to defame or belittle? Does disagreement give me the right to make nasty videos, compose angry songs, or - heaven forbid- throw my shoe at the man? Absolutely NOT. Neither will I ever cast my opposition to policy or decisions as opposition to President Obama himself. He is a man. Capable of great good and capable of great harm. Human and imperfect, so deserving of tolerance, patience, and forgiveness. Son of God, so deserving of mercy, respect, and love. If the time comes, I pledge to disagree without disrespect.

I treasure our country. I am so proud to be an American. I am proud of the progress that our nation has made. I feel humbled and grateful to live in the great nation that we do. I have hope for the future.

Taking on too much... But isn't it worth it sometimes?

Apparently, this is one of my talents. Taking on too much, not realizing my own limitations, going above and beyond expectation... I've done it for as long as I can remember. Ask my mom or my friends from Elementary school... I did it then too. Is this really a talent/gift or a weakness? I'm not really sure. Maybe both, depending on what I do with it. I guess if I get overwhelmed and stressed out about something, that is definitely a sign that I've gone too far... but if I just make some activity or project turn out REALLY great, then that's a good thing, right?

Well, I took on a normal project yesterday and blew it up into a huge production. The Pumpkin Pallooza I was hosting for Gardening/Food Storage Club at church was a smashing success with a great turnout (15 people! Wow! That was so exciting to see all the new faces! And I know so many more would have liked to come!), delicious food (I'm admittedly proud of how the pumpkin pie turned out since I've never made one, let alone from real pumpkin rather than canned--and that cake was all that I could have hoped it would be!), fellow-shipping time for new ward members and some visitors with whom I used to work, and I learned a TON in the process! That would make the 'over achieving' worth it, right?


But did I overdo it? I am feeling exhausted from sitting at the computer too long typing up info and recipes (seriously, like a 10 page document!), have a pervasive back ache that began after being on my feet ALL day yesterday cooking, and it took almost all night with windows open to the brisk October air before I finally cooled off and stopped sweating from being by a hot stove/oven baking all day...but I wasn't stressed, or anything. Just physically tired. (Which I guess is a big deal when you're 36 weeks pregnant. I forget that I can't do as much with my body as I could normally...). I had so many offers of help-- I probably should have taken people up on it-- but could we all really have fit between my table and the oven and baked all day without just having 'too many cooks in the kitchen'? I don't know... I did take Julie up on her offer to come over for about 2 hours and help with the stew. I was pretty tired by then and she was great! So, realistically, should I have asked more people to come help out?

Did I take on too much, yes. But wasn't it really worth it?