Can You Believe I'm 38 Weeks?

Well, I am. Today. Two weeks from today is my due date. I can hardly believe it. 2 weeks sounds like... any day... ya know? But, I am not predicting anything. I am prepared to go for a couple more weeks.

However, now that I've gotten both papers down to size (though it wouldn't hurt to come back in a few days and reread them just to have a fresh view), I feel comfortable with baby coming any time. After all, even if the papers aren't perfect, I know I can turn them in right now, as is, if necessary and still pull off at least an A- in both classes. And that takes all the stress and pressure off. I feel great. and relaxed.

and, lil girl, you officially have my permission to come any time you would like now. :)

Cute Belly or Beached Whale?

When I see gals in my ward (like Stephanie H or Britney M) with their cute pregnant bellies sticking out, somehow I've always just thought I looked like that too. At least, I could imagine to myself that I was proportioned like such a cute pregnant gal. As I was getting ready for the wedding festivities this past weekend in Utah (Eric's bro, Marc, got hitched), I kind of had this idea in my head that THAT is what I looked like. Even looking in the mirror, I still saw myself with filters on. I didn't FEEL enormously pregnant, so I assumed I didn't look like it either. And I felt pretty confident, cute, and-- dare I admit-- even attractively prego.

until I was uploading photos from the weekend. And I saw the reality.

Folks, I look like a beached whale! and I've still got a month and a half to go!

I'm not complaining about being pregnant, that isn't the point of this post. The point is, I was shocked to see that what I THOUGHT I looked like was FAR from the REALITY. Question is, am I the only one who does this? Or have any of you been surprised to 'discover' yourself in a photo or video? and no, I'm not going to disclose those photos for your viewing humor. I am holding out til perhaps a flattering photo can be found. :)

Cravings

I've been craving Korean food for over a week now. Last week when I planned the menu, I included 2 separate meals of Korean food, which means atleast 4 days of eating spicy deliciousness. Today, day 1, I have been so eagerly anticipating dinner that I started snacking on plain kimchee straight from the jar without even any rice around 10:30 am. And even though it is only 2 pm, I'm starting the side dishes for dinner now because I can't wait. I love that I can eat great food like this without being sick! What a blessing it is to be healthy!

Lemon, Apple, Avocado

Last week a lemon

This week an apple

Next week an avocado

We're thrilled to be expecting! Eric, Gwen, and I are pleased to announce our 15 week fruit!

Baring my Soul

I used to keep an excellent journal. From Junior High, Highschool, and my first 2 years of college, I was an almost daily diligent writer. Then my mission happened, then 2 majors happened, then Eric happened, then working full time happened, then Gwen happened... and my journal writing has petered off to non-existent because I'm so pooped by the end of the day. So it occurred to me that my blog is a way to recapture that journaling habit. I post daily happenings and experiences. I only need to add some personal soul baring, and it is a bonafied journal. Here's to radical honesty:


I cringe every time I see a photo of myself.

Is that what I really look like? I don't feel that frumpy, but it definitely looks that way.I gained quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy with Gwen. Pretty normal, as far as pregnancies go, but I haven't really lost it. Just redistributed it. And since I was trying to get back in shape when we got pregnant, I have quite a ways to go before hitting my target. I decided during all the Easter festivities that as soon as the holiday was over I would finally go on a healthy diet. True to that commitment, I spent a few hours yesterday researching healthy caloric and nutritive intake levels for lactating women. I talked to friends who have been on successful healthy diets (not just the crash kind) to find out some tips and secrets for lasting motivation and enduring results. And then it really started to sink in.

This is going to be HARD work.

I have a long way to go. We got a scale last week so I've spent the week tracking my daily weight. I hover right around-- am I really about to share this information to the entire online bloggerdom?-- 170 pounds. Since my target is 145 (that's what I weigh when I'm fit and muscular. Without the muscle, it should be even lower for my height.), that is a 25 POUND LOSS! Those aren't going to peel off overnight, folks, or even in a couple of months. We're talking long term commitment if I want to reach this goal. It'll be difficult because:
a) I LOVE food! And gourmet international cooking! To me it sounds like a culinary disaster to replace key flavor ingredients with low/fat free substitutions or to skip those recipes altogether. Who wants to have feijouada without the various fatty meats? What if I want to grill lemon-barbeque pork ribs in the summer? What's a good chowder without cream? I know there are alternatives, but most reduce the flavor and therefore, enjoyment, of the food. I want complete freedom to pursue any recipe I find that sounds delicious, not a stunted range of options. Plus, I love to bake and enjoy cake decorating... how can I not eat it when it is sitting right there? This will be very challenging for me.
b) I am tired. and busy. It will be just too easy to make excuses for skipping my exercise each day.
c) but mostly because I am not sure I can really do it.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid I will give in to temptation. I'm afraid I will lack willpower. I'm afraid I'll tire of healthy menus and snacks and indulge a little too often in a non-healthy recipe. I'm afraid there will be holidays, birthdays, and special social events that threaten my consistency. I'm afraid the weight will be stubborn in coming off. I'm afraid I'll compare myself to other, more successful postpartum moms. I'm afraid I will become frustrated. I'm afraid I will lose motivation after a short 2 weeks. I'm afraid I will fall terribly short of my goal. I'm afraid I will never feel confident about my figure again. I'm afraid I will never feel satisfied looking in the mirror again. I'm afraid of giving up and consigning myself to frumpdom for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I am not going to be able to do this. I'm afraid I don't have what it takes to stick it out to the end of my goal. I'm afraid of failure.

*sigh*. I know I can't have faith and fear at the same time. All things are possible if we put our faith in Christ. Funny to think that my diet matters to Him. "Fear not; Only believe"

I can't really ask you to pray for me and my 'diet' because that just sounds like a really shallow prayer. But if it occurs to you sometime in the next 6 months to pray for me to stick to my nutritional plan, I would be really grateful. I need all the support I can get. My plea is the same as the father who brought his sick daughter to Christ for healing and needed help doing his part:

"Lord, help Thou mine unbelief".

Thanks for letting me bare my soul.

"I Saw God Today"

Gwen Elizabeth Allan

born: Sunday, November 9, 2008 6:26 am

7 lbs 7 oz
19 inches long

more on the story when I can sit down and type with a lil more gusto... :)

still here

Well folks, if you thought I would go 2 weeks early... I didn't. Of course, if I went into labor today I would still be closer to 2 weeks than 1 week, but I'm not feelin it. Looks like baby girl Allan is going to obediently wait at least til after Eric's test on Friday. Just wanted to update you all!

I'm almost finished with the baby's room, so stay tuned for photo updates in the next couple of days! :)

Poll: When Will I Go Into Labor?

37 weeks today. Wow. (This pic of our lil buckeye baby belly is actually 36 weeks and 5/7, but that's close enough, right? Can you see that she's dropped?) Okay, so here's the fun part where anybody's guess is game: when will I actually go into labor? If you believe the whole 'like mother like daughter' thing or that you can get a good feel for maternity trends by looking at Mom and sister stats, here ya go:

My mom was 2 weeks early with her first baby, my older sis. Then pretty much right on time with me, my bro, and my younger sis. My older sister was 2 weeks early with her first baby and right on time with her 2nd. Keep in mind that my mom and I have very similar body shapes and my maternity pictures are strikingly similar to hers when she was expecting. But, both my mom and my older sister are shorter and more 'petite' than I am. Especially my sis. She's teeny and thin, so we really don't look anything alike physically and I can't honestly anticipate that our bodies would respond all that similarly in labor patterns.

One final detail. I'm dilated to a 1 now. (yes!)

So, will I go into labor 2 weeks early during week 38 (which would be NEXT week-- and a test week for Eric. Not extremely convenient timing...), 1 week early during week 39, pretty much right around my due date on Nov 17th, 1 week late, or more than one week late (pushing towards a Thanksgiving baby! Please don't let this be the case!)? Cast your votes in the poll to your right! :)

Taking on too much... But isn't it worth it sometimes?

Apparently, this is one of my talents. Taking on too much, not realizing my own limitations, going above and beyond expectation... I've done it for as long as I can remember. Ask my mom or my friends from Elementary school... I did it then too. Is this really a talent/gift or a weakness? I'm not really sure. Maybe both, depending on what I do with it. I guess if I get overwhelmed and stressed out about something, that is definitely a sign that I've gone too far... but if I just make some activity or project turn out REALLY great, then that's a good thing, right?

Well, I took on a normal project yesterday and blew it up into a huge production. The Pumpkin Pallooza I was hosting for Gardening/Food Storage Club at church was a smashing success with a great turnout (15 people! Wow! That was so exciting to see all the new faces! And I know so many more would have liked to come!), delicious food (I'm admittedly proud of how the pumpkin pie turned out since I've never made one, let alone from real pumpkin rather than canned--and that cake was all that I could have hoped it would be!), fellow-shipping time for new ward members and some visitors with whom I used to work, and I learned a TON in the process! That would make the 'over achieving' worth it, right?


But did I overdo it? I am feeling exhausted from sitting at the computer too long typing up info and recipes (seriously, like a 10 page document!), have a pervasive back ache that began after being on my feet ALL day yesterday cooking, and it took almost all night with windows open to the brisk October air before I finally cooled off and stopped sweating from being by a hot stove/oven baking all day...but I wasn't stressed, or anything. Just physically tired. (Which I guess is a big deal when you're 36 weeks pregnant. I forget that I can't do as much with my body as I could normally...). I had so many offers of help-- I probably should have taken people up on it-- but could we all really have fit between my table and the oven and baked all day without just having 'too many cooks in the kitchen'? I don't know... I did take Julie up on her offer to come over for about 2 hours and help with the stew. I was pretty tired by then and she was great! So, realistically, should I have asked more people to come help out?

Did I take on too much, yes. But wasn't it really worth it?

Baby Shower

What a great time! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to both Nancy and Heather for throwing such a great shindig, just for me! Sorry there aren't any better pics, I totally got too involved in enjoying myself and forgot to get any more. I sure wish I had taken a big group pic to capture all the wonderful friends who came to share in our joy over the pending arrival of Baby Girl Allan! Thanks to all of you! We're much more prepared now for the arrival of our lil one. Seriously, it is really humbling to realize how blessed we are to have such great friends out here... ya'll are more like family than I ever realized friends could be. It really makes a big difference when family lives so far away.

Enjoy the pics of a few of the gals 'becoming pregnant' with balloons! :) I'll leave them nameless for their own privacy... but ya'll know who you are! :)

Pregnancy Thoughts and Shots

Well, we had our 34 week check up yesterday. Everything is looking great!

What will I miss most about being pregnant?

7- stronger nails and beautiful hair!

6- feeling justified to sleep in a little

5- being first in line for food because no one wants to impede the pregnant lady from getting her edibles!

4- how nice everyone is. Seriously, so accommodating!

3- imagining what she's doing or thinking right now every time I change activities

2- watching Eric press his nose into my belly begging for her to "give us some kicks"

1- feeling those sweet wiggles, kicks, and hiccups inside me during the day when I'm pleased to know she is awake too.


I've just been thinking so much lately about how beautifully miraculous it is knowing that she is so much a part of me right now. I'm going to miss that, I think. There are definitely things for which I'm grateful.

32 weeks

33 weeks

34 weeks! 6 more to go!

Delaying the Project...

No picture to go with this one. I'm just kind of postponing getting started on one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) projects for baby: sewing the bumper and matching valance.

don't get me wrong. I'm THRILLED to be making it myself and excited to have the finished product so cute with all the hand appliqued animals and bugs, and all... and the ears and wings that flap freely instead of being tacked down... I mean, these things are going to be ADORABLE! And I really love using my hands (and Jenni Harris's sewing machine) to do it, and I've got the time since I've finally gotten all the furniture finished, and I've eliminated the excuse of a cluttered room since I've finally finished organizing and tidying everything....

so why don't I want to march upstairs and get started?

I think it has something to do with knowing that once I get started, there is no going back til I'm completely finished. I'll no longer have nice, neat stacks of cute material folded up on my desk... I'll have a big work in progress.

it is kind of like that feeling you get before you start typing your huge research paper or thesis. you know. Like you've done ALL the prep work, all the compiling and quote selections, and all you have to do is dig down and commit to sitting in front of the computer for a dedicated 20+ hours or so just to put it all together and crank out the rough draft. But you don't want to do it. Don't want to start because you know you can't do it in 1/2 hour spurts: it has to be HOURS and HOURS to get it done. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

What Wakes you Up?

So, lately I've been plagued with light sleep. This is HIGHLY unusual for me, as any of you that ever lived with me will verify! I am a HEAVY sleeper and regularly oversleep an alarm unless a physical person helps me wake up. (Jordan, you remember those good times, right? :P) Funny thing is that I won't hear any mechanical sounds in my sleep, but will startle awake if someone says my name. Don't know why that is.

When Eric and I were engaged I was really busy with a full load of spring/summer classes. He had a much lighter schedule. Naturally, despite my workload, we were the usual engaged couple that stays up WAY late every night just having a great time. especially since it was summer! So, I had Eric call me every morning to wake me up for class. I thought this would give him adequate warning about my difficulty waking up. Turns out, he was still surprised when we got married. Apparently, he thought I just wanted to talk with him every morning and used the 'wake up call' as a ploy to squeeze more Eric time into my day. Boy was he surprised to discover my morning wake up troubles! But I digress. I was telling you about my recent inability to sleep.

Sometimes it is because I have to use the restroom (pregnancy does that to you). Sometimes it is because I wake up hungry (pregnancy does that to you too). And sometimes it is because our sweet 33 week baby is awake and would like to play games in my tummy (pregnancy definitely did THAT to me!). Whatever the cause, despite my exhaustion during the day, I find I've become a light sleeper in the mornings. I get up and stay up at ridiculous hours (3:15, 4:30, 5:45, 6:15 on a Saturday...) and even have trouble taking naps. I just lay there. Restful, but kind of frustrating when I'd REALLY like to be in a deep sleep dreaming or something! This morning I got up early after laying there for over an hour and made omelettes with fresh tomatoes and peppers from our garden, sauted mushrooms, salami, and raspberry-peach yogurt/OJ smoothies for our breakfast. At least I did something productive, right? :)

So, what wakes you up in the middle of the night? What wakes you up in the morning, and would you prefer to wake up some other way? Let's hear some stories, eh?

Ever Realize How Much You Depend on Electricity?

Well, for those of you IN Ohio, you all are probably tiring of the "big storm that hit us" blog posts. Sorry. Mine won't be extremely creative either. Let's just say Eric and I were really fine with the resulting week of no electricity. Really. We were so well taken care of by friends with power, it is very humbling. I think there is no more appropriate way to comment on the experience than to publicly thank each one of you.
Thank you:

• Thanks to Brianna and Justin for feeding us delicious grilled pork with strawberry sauce! I DO want the recipe!
  
• Thanks to Nancy and Jarin for a) feeding me such a healthy lunch, b) helping me for 12+ hours to can all the poultry meat that had thawed from our freezer, c) feeding us dinner, and d) giving us a key so we could take hot showers on Sunday!
• Thanks to Heather and Ryan for the absolutely delicious spaghetti dinner and the fun entertainment with friends and LIGHTS!
• Thanks to Marie and Kurt for feeding us yummy chicken fajitas and soft brownies!
• Thanks to Joe and Megan for a) storing our deep freeze in their apartment (along with the freezers of other people without power!), b) feeding us chicken sandwich and salad lunch, and c) keeping some perishable groceries in their fridge... mostly because I dislike warm liquids so much! :)
• Thanks to Everybody else who invited us for food but we had to turn down because we were already eating somewhere else! Also for all the hot shower offers... you guys are all AWESOME!!!
• Thanks also to the ward for being "Inspired" to have the barbeque while we still didn't have power. The food was great, and it was extra motivation for our neighbors to come since they still didn't have power either!
• Thanks to Mama and Papa Allan for giving us such a wonderful Christmas present last year of a Coleman Stove and lantern... we cooked on it Sunday night and were lucky to not have the dilemma of many others: we had both the food storage AND the means with which to cook it. Atleast it worked for one big meal.
  
• Thanks to Julie and Robin and Jenni and Vaughn for sharing our "trial" with us... it helped me keep my own thoughts positive when I saw how smiley you all were every day! Our daily walks reminded me that we weren't alone without power. Especially kudos to Julie and Robin for taking care of Eliza without electricity! Diaper changing in the middle of the night with a flashlight and being forced to use hand-washed burp rags because newborns have no concept of convenience really kept me grateful for our gal's current still-in-the-womb status!
  
• Thanks to the power company crew members... I was so happy to see them on Sunday! I know it must have been hard for them and their families to have to work around the clock like they did. I'm glad they were willing to sacrifice so that we could get our power back.
  
• Thanks to my dear Eric for his positive attitude, lack of complaining, and reasonable nature. He kept everything in perspective and we still had fun in the evenings, despite lack of electricity! He also reminded me to drink fluids, recharged my phone on campus, took care of our fish, moved the deep freeze (with help), and suffered through daily cold showers in the dark without a word of complaint. What a stallion! :)
  
• Thank you to Heavenly Father for making the weather so agreeable. We had overcast days and cool breezes... I hardly even noticed the lack of air conditioning! :)

All in all, I'd say we are better off for the experience! I learned how to pressure can poultry, how to roast a duck, had time to organize some closet space, and have been given a VERY good excuse to finally clean out the fridge! What an experience, eh? Thanks to ALL of YOU!!!!

On Being Pregnant...

Well, it is interesting that I wanted to show SOOOOO badly, and now that I finally am, I have to stop myself from being too self-conscious. I LOVE being pregnant and LOVE knowing that this lil growing belly is home for our lil gal... but I can't say I love feeling heavy, slow, cumbersome, and fat. The back aches alone are not that big of a deal, but combine that with the on-your-feet type of work I do right now... and you get the picture. I'm already tired. And I'm not even technically in the 3rd trimester yet!

However, I am thrilled to report the athletic activities of our lil girl! She is so cute when she wakes up. She kicks and squirms for a good hour, delighting me with her budding soccer skills (during the day), and keeping me awake (at night or early morning)! Then she'll be quiet and peaceful for a good 3-4 hours before deciding it is time for communicating with Mommy or "playtime with Daddy" as Eric likes to call it. Last week he was trying to talk to her through my belly (he delights in waking her up) so he pressed his ear down to try and hear her squirm or a response of any kind... and she full on KICKED HIM IN THE FACE! Our lil gal doesn't take kindly to being woken up, I guess!

Our Healthy Lil Peanut!!!

Our trip to the doctor today was momentous! We were dutifully anxious, but not really worried. What with the hyperemesis and the reassurances that this is a GOOD sign of progress, we fully anticipated everything being okay. Still, there is that moment before the screen resolution flips to real time when you are silently praying 'let there be a baby there'... and when you finally realize that what you're looking at is your baby you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding! We were really excited to see the lil baby head and beginnings of appendages. I'll admit it: I cried. Couldn't help it! Everything was just so overwhelmingly wonderful and I was so happy (and relieved) to see a baby on the screen!

We were just getting over how wonderful that pulsing heartbeat was (you could actually SEE it!) and peering very intently at the monitor... when suddenly, our Peanut did a lil jig! Just wiggled its lil body and waved lil nubby arms and legs as if Peanut knew we were watching and was hamming it up for quite the show! Eric and I just started laughing! We couldn't believe it! Our lil guy/gal is only the size of a peanut/small grape and already knows how to dance! :)

We also got to hear the heartbeat. Sounds like a little washing machine! What a lovely sound. Dr. Sayat is putting the due date at November 17! We'll keep ya'll posted!