Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Complicated Emotions of Purchasing a Home

I have really been surprised at how emotionally and mentally (and even spiritually) taxing it is to purchase a home.
Did I mention our offer was accepted? Yep, we are under contract now for a beautiful little home in Dublin. It is perfect in so many ways! I am THRILLED to have this property as MY home, I mean, how lucky are we to live in such a home for 5 years!?!? So why am I dimming this joyful success with worry? Let me tell you a little secret...big decisions cause me worry. I thought that once we found a great one that we loved and got through the process of making an offer the work would be mostly over. But the stress was only PARTIALLY due to 'are they going to accept our offer' and 'will they go with the other bid?' and 'did we bid too much or too little?' blah blah blah.

Actually, the bigger stress has been internal, stress over the commitment to such a substantial purchase. We are NOT quick decision-makers and prefer to mull things over for a long time. You know, go back and forth and back and forth for weeks and weeks and MAYBE finally come to a decision. (Though often our decisions are made FOR us because we waited too long, lol). Maybe that is why this process has been so challenging: we had to make decisions quickly. Like, in a matter of hours. And while we feel confident and happy about the choice we made, there is still that anxiety, that voice saying "slow down slow down I can't process this quickly"... resulting in a profound stress that basically means nothing. Because if I take a step back and logically assess what I'm worried about, I can see that everything is fine and I don't need to be concerned about those things. I should just have confidence in the spiritual assurance we felt when we made the decision. But see, this is the trouble I ALWAYS have with getting answers to prayers: I can't distinguish between the absence of comfort that would be the spirit indicating it ISN'T the right decision and the absence of comfort that would be MY worry-wart personality. Did you know that I worried non-stop about being engaged to Eric? Yeah, I went back and forth between anxiety and bliss for months. I almost backed out 3 or 4 times and caused Eric some major stress too. And for what? Absolutely nothing. Because being married to him has by far been the best choice of my entire life and I'm superbly happy in my marriage! I just have problems with decisions. Just to illustrate my anxiety over big commitments. :)

Peace is the key to knowing I've made the right choice... and this house-buying process is so crazy and full of stress because of the huge sums of money we're talking about... that peace is fleeting. So right now I'm just trying to grasp onto the peace I felt while praying. Because otherwise, I'm just nervous.

and excited! I mean--HELLO--our offer was accepted and we're getting a dream first home!

but nervous too. :)


  1. Elisa-
    I'm so excited that you guys are staying here! We should set up a time for us to get together. And congrats on the house- I have the same problem with decision-making and I think being married to someone like me has made my habit even worse! Oh, well! Talk to you soon?


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  3. I've never felt the intensity of buyer's remorse I felt on the day we moved into our house. And, like you, it had nothing to do with our home (which has been perfect for us). It's just that commitment! But I also had a huge panic attack when I got my first cell phone and signed that TWO YEAR contract :) Decisions are just hard to make, so what you're going through sounds normal to me. Congrats on getting the one you wanted! Enjoy it!

  4. How have we never made the realization before that we are EXACTLY the same when it comes to decision-making?! Holy moly, it was like I was reading a journal entry of mine when we were in that same process. And man alive, it's so easy to second guess yourself. The motto "Go forward with Faith" has taken on countless new meanings to me this year. Oh I wish we lived in the same city again, and could talk for hours still. Miss you, sending lots of loving prayers your way for the house to go through, and even more prayers for peace to become the dominant emotion you feel (because we know that praying for the other whirlwind-causing-emotions to go away would be useless). Love and miss you!!

  5. Yea for you!
    Good luck with inspection and appraisal and those crazy emotions! What a roller coaster it is!


  6. Elisa! First, Congratulations on buying your first home! I am so happy for your family! Second, big decisions aren't to be taken lightly, so I can see why you've have so many emotions going into this. And third, isn't it great that you did have a confirmation that THIS was a good decision?! Yes, just remember back to those peaceful feelings when you're having anxiety. (I have a lot of anxiety too when making big decisions so I can relate!) Please email me a link, b/c I'd love to see your cute house! paxtonkrista(at)yahoo(dot)com

  7. Tell me where it is! I want to see it!

    Oh and I totally understand this stress even though I haven't been through the whole process yet. Just looking at homes and thinking about it has almost made my hair fall out.

    A lot of what you said REALLY resonated with me. But your courage and faith has also inspired me!

  8. So glad your offer was accepted! That's awesome! It is a very stressful thing to buy a home. It's a huge commitment and a lot of money to be talking about. Even though I have been happy with our home for the past 5 years we went through the process really quickly. From offer to closing was only a month. It was a major source of anxiety. Hope it all goes smoothly and you find yourself settled in your dream home soon. :)

  9. Sheri Dew taught that we need to ask the Holy Spirit to teach us how it speaks to us personally and learn the language of the Spirit. For me, when something is wrong, I KNOW it's wrong and can't deny it. So if I don't have that awful feeling in my gut, then it must be okay to keep going in that direction. I hope you get the peace you need to get rid of all those anxious feelings! (Klonopin helps. hehe)