Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Little Perspective

I want to take a moment and give myself some perspective. While the next post is really about a couple wonderful evenings full of fires of one kind or another, I currently feel a little, well, out in the cold. But there is really no reason for dwelling on that. I need to learn from the positive examples of my best friend Jennie and my dear friend Linzi. I need to stop indulging in a good whine and try looking at things with some perspective. So here I go:

  • I miss my hubby.... Atleast I HAVE a hubby!
  • I feel isolated when he is sitting right here but I can't enjoy his company because he is studying for the Boards. .. How wonderful that he is here, a part of our lives, rather than an absentee father on a regular basis.
  • I find myself easily jealous of the attention he gives to anything else, including the news or shooting the breeze on the phone with his brothers, because I want what little of his time there is.... I shouldn't begrudge him those small breaks. After all, Gwen and I go out and do fun things every week and he misses out on everything from the zoo to libraries to movie nights to swimming. Even visiting his own family.
  • Sometimes I think I get a glimpse of what being a single mom would be like. and it doesn't seem like fun.... How grateful I am that Eric still takes time for giving lots of love to Gwen (including her nightly bath!) and that this family is still a joint effort. Soon I'll have him back. (until surgery rotation, but we're focusing on the positive here).
  • I am growing weary. He's not the only one getting burnt out over this.... Atleast I got a break and had a nice vacation. He has been going straight through. But the end is in sight!
  • Sometimes I feel like sitting down and doing nothing: not because there is nothing to do, but because I am just tired of being/doing so much for our family. ... and I am eternally grateful for the unlimited strength of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am not even in the darkest abyss, there are so many struggling with far more devastating challenges, I have no real room for complaint or cause for Him to rush to my aide... but He does. Every time. He is there for me, buoying me up, sending me friends and family to encourage along the way, and giving me gentle nudges to my spirit reminding me that all is not lost. I just need to trust in His Atonement...

and perhaps gain a little perspective.


  1. Sweetie, I'm sorry that you are having this hard time. Please know that the end IS in sight. Also, keep in mind that it is well worth it. AND that (from my knowledge) every medical spouse goes through this rough time. The part where you wonder if it is really worth it. If you are only going to see your spouse in the next life (because you signed up for the eternity plan) BUT.... it does get better. I am telling you this, even though josh is on call tonight. but honestly, it does get better. AND it is worth it. Hang in there sweetie! I'll be praying for you!!!

  2. Isn't life wonderful? - It so so full of just what we need to make us strong and teach us how to rely on Christ. It is obvious that you know that and I know personally that you exhibit a great strength everyday. Thank you for your example to me! I'm sure you are such a blessing to Eric and Gwen because you are constantly bringing sunshine and love! Keep bringing it! I can't say that it is almost over, because I have no idea what this third year is going to be like, but hang in there for everything that you love. I'm completely convinced that it is all going to be worth it! See you in a couple of weeks!

    P.S. Start planning a date night for after Eric's boards - I'm tending Gwen!

  3. I totally identify with you. I think we all end up feeling like single mom's now and again while our husbands do what they have to do to provide for us. It's rough though and definitely no fun. I appreciate your positive perspective. I think it's important that sometimes to do sit down and do nothing (or something you WANT to do). Even though we get to do fun things with the kids it's still a lot of work sometimes. I feel for Eric too. I'm sure he would much rather be hanging out with you and Gwen. Hopefully he will pass Boards and things will settle in again! In the meantime hold tight to that perspective! :)

  4. You're not alone in your feelings; I totally empathize. Sterling takes the bus from Provo to SLC and back everyday for law school. It's rough, but it will be worth it in the end. Being a mommy is definitely hard work!

  5. Elisa, all I can say is this: you rock. There's more depth and respect and love in that statement than maybe fully comes across at first. I've been working on some of your engagement/wedding/bridal photographs to post on my new blog and I can't help but remember what pure awesomeness you both exude.

  6. I'm a little slow in reading blogs lately ... but thanks for this post in particular. I loved reading it and gaining gratitude for my own blessings in disguise. It's nice to be reminded that the sun is still behind the clouds ...