Thoughts on Arriving at Personal Discovery

What crystallizes ideas for you? Most common methods for me:

1. Insomnia. Well, okay, the insomnia doesn't crystallize things for me, but if I have clear ideas come to me at night, I absolutely cannot sleep unless I write them down. I keep a paper and pencil in my night stand for this purpose. I don't even turn on a light or have to write legibly, just to write it down enables me to sigh and fall asleep. Which leads to my true method:

2. Writing thoughts down. Somehow getting something down on paper helps me really figure things out. Don't read my high school journal because it is truly filled page after page with me trying to work through feelings, crushes, what to do or not do, possible consequences, why did I act this way or that way, blah blah blah. I don't consider myself a drama queen, though passionate. You'd never know it from my writing. All that drama is right there. You'd never have guessed it because writing down all that "what is this feeling?" stuff allowed me to draw conclusions and respond in a very sane and mature (at least I thought so at the time) way.

Why this post? I don't know. I guess I was considering how this blog is my journal. And sometimes I still get emotional and dramatic here, but mostly not (it being preserved for posterity and all). So am I still crystallizing ideas? I like to think so. Hmmmm... what is my method now? Insomnia? :)

Probably talking it through with people. Eric especially. I was always the confidant in HS, but rarely the sharer. I think I had trust issues. But that's another post. So conversation as a catalyst for realization is a "newish" method for me of arriving at what I really think. But sometimes I find myself babbling away to a friend and catch myself responding too quickly to their questions-- I say things that I don't think really reflect the true response that I might acquire if I was truly introspective. Just the other day I went for a walk with a friend and found myself too easily parroting my answers about my motives and fears that didn't feel right after I'd spoken them. And then I'm backpedaling to try to get it right but that doesn't quite resonate either. Ever do that? Perhaps in a way, even that helps me to realize the truth? Obviously, at least for me, crystallization by conversation is subject to error.

I think there is no real point to this post. Why do I sometimes write things just to hear myself think? I'm kind of embarrassed, actually, at the rambling nature of this post. I almost want to delete it, or at least edit it down (I already logged back on and went back and cut a huge paragraph after I'd posted it and disconnected from the internet because it was bothering me to think that I am pestering all ya'll and future generations who only want to see photos of family and could care less about my personal thought process) further so it isn't such a strong example of how I think aloud through writing... but here I continue... stopping while I'm ahead. sort of.